Maggie's Crafts: My Pain

I have been taking painkillers for a very long time. My 'long time' is more or less 10 years. At the beginning they were working very well.

When the dose I was prescribed stopped working I'd up it a little bit. From 10mg of Codeine to 20, from 20 to 30 and so on. When Codeine stopped working my GP topped it up with some Amitryptiline, then Nortriptile, Gabapentin or Pregabalin.

Unfortunately after a few years when I reached a maximum dose of everything, my body got so used to them that they, on a good day, just take the edge off. They never make the pain go away.

I'm so used to taking painkillers that the dose needed to get rid of my pain would kill me.

I learnt how to live with it. It goes where I go, it's with my whatever I do. But my pain is not my enemy any more. It's become part of me, part of my life. Acceptance, not that long ago actually, made it easier to exist.

I have a normal life, full time job, very happy home. I stay a happy and positive individual. :)

I changed what I didn't like and accepted what I couldn't change.

Hi :)

I'm back to the world of crafting. Hopefully for good. :)

I never shared my little secret with you. If you're bored, carry on reading. It is a fairly long post!

When you look at me you can't tell that there's something different about me. I look and behave like any other human being. But... I suffer from chronic pain. My pain is in my back; lower part of my upper back, my lower back and on top of it I suffer from very nasty sciatica pain in my right leg.

I manage the pain very well. In my opinion at least. I take medication, at the moment it's Tramadol and a handful of other chemicals, I also use Lidocaine patches. I exercise every day, if I can 3-4 times a day, I go swimming 3 times a week and when I can I walk to work. Most of the time I live a normal life. I work full time, go shopping, have some crafty time and enjoy myself usually together with my other half, Neil.

Unfortunately chronic pain, apart from causing pain - which sometimes is manageable, has a huge flaw. Flare ups! Flare ups hit, quite often, without a warning and without any reason. You don't have to lift something heavy or trip to upset the balance your body is in. You wake up one day and it hurts. Hurts badly! You know it will not go away, probably for a while, but you still have to live your life.

As you probably guessed I'm sharing my story with you because I am having one of those horrible flare ups. Just wanted to tell someone about it. But... don't think that I'm writing all this to complain and moan. No, on the contrary.

I had a chance to meet other chronic pain sufferers not that long ago. Ipswich Hospital provides great Pain Clinic service, where the clinical psychologist and a nurse specialist organise seminars. I learnt about pain, how to cope with a flare up, how to live a happy life, but most importantly I had a chance to meet others like me.

It was an eye opener. Before the seminars I thought I was the one who was suffering the most. That I was the one who was in the most pain. After talking to the others I discovered that there's so many more of us who suffer much more than I do. For some their pain is one huge flare up which never switches off.

I'm not feeling well at the moment, walking up the stairs, there's only 12 steps in my house, is a struggle. Pain never stops and it feels like someone was drilling holes in my back.

But still I manage to enjoy my crafty time. I am off sick at the moment so have plenty of it. I listen to music, take breaks very often and craft. I made a lovely gift set, photos at the bottom of this post, and felt so proud of myself. :)

I consider myself lucky.

And now, if you're still with me let's move onto WOYWW with Julia.

On my desk today... I bought the CD square shelving units some time ago. I was lucky to get them from a buyer in Colchester. They are the best craft storage I have ever had. Perfect size what everything I need.